I had promised myself to start this blog with a pensive post, the one I’m posting now. I didn’t really get about to writing it properly till today. Thanks to Pritha who kept nagging me and reminding me of my promise to myself. I have not gone into the details but share briefly the anguish and despair at the apathy that prevails. I do not know if I could have done anything to improve the situation. If I could have, and didn’t, I am as much a culprit as the ones I insinuate in this post.
A synopsis of various viewpoints
“She was a morphine addict.”
“No she wasn’t. She was under immense pain.”
“She never let anyone in on her secrets. She never shared. There were no prescriptions found.”
“She shared with me. I knew she had ovarian cists, possibly leading to cancer. She told me, and a few others, about her desires, ambitions, issues at home and everything else.”
“She had no prescription. She was faking it. Why weren’t her parents involved?”
“Her parents were involved. The doctors were the ones who didn’t want to operate on her at this (st)age. Issues of pregnancy later.”
“She didn’t take our help when we offered it. She was too arrogant.”
“She wasn’t. She liked to stay independent. It wasn’t pity that she sought. You offered her help, not friendship.”
“She never attended classes, lied at home, and didn’t even interact much with her batch mates.”
“She couldn’t attend classes because of her health. Whether she lied at home or not is not your concern, and something that cannot be determined anyway. Her interaction was limited to the girls’ hostel as she couldn’t go out a lot due to her physical weakness.”
Official intimation by the Director to the campus community – numerous emails and announcement at the beginning of the convocation (paraphrased)
We sadly announce and deeply mourn the tragic demise of one of the bright students, Toya Chatterjee, Roll Number *****, B.Tech. student of the department of Biosciences and Bioengineering on the night of 30th May, 2008 in her hostel room. Ms. Toya Chatterjee, Roll Number ***** was a bright and promising student, and is as great a loss to the academic community as it is to her near and dear ones. May her soul rest in peace.
Press release/interviews, talking about the worth of a student of IIT Kanpur, B.Tech. with a GRE score of 1560, an admission offer from Cornell (I think Cornell – the name is irrelevant), and calls from ALL the IIMs. (paraphrased)
Ms. Toya Chatterjee, Roll Number ***** was a weak student and her performance in her courses was not up to the mark. She had failed two courses and was not due to receive the degree at this convocation. Her performance has been a matter of concern for her teachers and friends alike, and repeated attempts to improve the situation had failed.
Talking of ends, some bring respite, some melancholy, some longing, and some simply suck out every feeling, every desire, everything, leaving nothing but a hollowed feeling of emptiness, of helplessness and despair. That was how Toya’s end was. Most of us would have read about it in the newspapers. Toya Chatterjee was a final year student of my batch at IIT Kanpur who committed suicide on the eve of our convocation. I will not go into the reasons behind it. I have given a sneak preview into the various versions that were given to us by friends, professors, administrative officials, and co-students. There is too much speculation and hardly any consensus. We may never know the truth. The certainty with which people enumerate the reasons of her suicide irritates me. Hers was the 7th suicide in IITK in the past 3 years, and the first suicide by a girl in the history of IITK. It’s the frequency that bothers me as much as the fact that the administration is doing nothing about it as far as I know. Yes, they do take some apparently visible reformatory steps, but they’re all useless, tangential to the real problems that exist. I am not suggesting that those were the problems behind any of these suicides, but if we are trying to weed out problems, we might as well get rid of some real problems along the way.
What hurt me most is the attitude with which the administration at IITK received and projected the death of Toya. I knew she existed in the vicinity but didn’t ever get a chance to talk to her during my 4 years at IIT, yet I think of her as a real person. That’s not how they think of her. In all email notifications regarding her and in the official announcement at the beginning of the convocation, it was always ‘Toya Chatterjee, Roll No. *****, department **** was...’ She is a mere statistic for the institute, one more to the list. Every time in the two days I was there and thereafter, her name was suffixed by her roll number and department, which I found extremely annoying. With such gruesome suicides – she hung herself from the fan in her room while sitting on a chair, another one had lain on the railway tracks at the IIT gate and was beheaded by a train – I would think that they would take some personal interest in the students’ lives, not as administrators saving face of the institute but as humans, teachers, friends. Isn’t the extent of infliction of such pain upon themselves a statement of the fact that we need to change, doesn’t it feel like they are trying to convey a message by taking such drastic steps? Yes, it is a difficult task to bring about change in as big an institute as this, with ways as set as it has, with so many things that could be changed. But we need to make a start somewhere, sometime, and isn’t the effort worth it? It is an institute for the students and if they are not happy, and not just the ones committing suicide, then the entire purpose of the existence of the institute is lost. I couldn’t think of one reason why we shouldn’t start right now.
I sincerely hope that they will treat students like humans and not institute records to be filed away and milked for money as alumni. I don’t know how they will manage it with 4 more IITs being opened when even the land for those has not yet been finalized. IIT Rajasthan is being mentored by IIT Kanpur which means that its students will stay and study at IITK, stretching its already thin resources, and that, when it hasn’t yet been decided which city will be home to IIT Rajasthan. If political pressures, or aspirations, are going to take precedence over human lives, God save the premier institute of education in India.